Tell me you turned it off.
Tell me you saved your Sunday and your sanity.
Tell me you didn’t go the entire, embarrassing distance to witness the Miami Dolphins being penalized for 12 men in the huddle on fourth down from the 2-yard line in the 54th minute of a 30-0 disaster at that point. Twelve men!
And tell me didn’t have to see — after De’Von Achane ran 11 hard yards for their best play and lone score — that Tua Tagovailoa called time-out before running the 2-point play. A timeout? Is that a first in NFL history?
See, they were awful all the way to the very end of this dismal beginning. You waited eight months for that? Indianapolis 33, Dolphins, 8 said they’re worse than last year if it sticks. What’s clear is they had the worst opener of any NFL team — and, yes, I know all the games aren’t over as I type.
Sunday confirmed a lot of the doubts about the Dolphins and none of the hopes. That’s all the further you go right now, though the real question by the end was whether having 16 games left is the good news or bad news.
“It was a group effort of failure,” coach Mike McDaniel said about one play in particular, a communication breakdown in the secondary leading to another Indianapolis score.
But you can just use that line for everything, everyone, everywhere for the Dolphins’ Sunday. Start with Tua. When you’re in the $50 million Quarterback Club you’re paid to prevent days like this. That’s just how it is. But Sunday was his hands-down worst day as a Dolphin for how he opened his sixth season.
Where do you even start with it? He threw an interception and fumbled across three, first-half plays. He threw that second interception to start the second half and bump the Colts up to 17 points off his turnovers.
He had a measly 114 yard passing, too. Forty yards went to Tyreek Hill and 30 to Jaylen Waddle. So after spending the offseason solving that pesky, two-deep-safety defense of opponents, the answer is the Dolphins have no answer.
Colts defensive coordinator Lou Anarumo, the former Dolphin assistant, just seemed to tighten the screws on Tua more over the offseason.
“We don’t’ want to overreact, don’t want to under-react to this,” Tua said. “We want to get this right so that this never happens again.”
Sounds right. But if he wanted to overreact, he now has five interceptions and three fumbles in his past three games — two losses.
“We need to look I the mirror, continue to hold each other accountable and I’d definitely say it starts with me,” he said.
Dolphins Deep Dive: Breaking down Miami’s disastrous loss in season opener at Colts | VIDEO
If it was only him, though.
If only this game could be explained by poor quarterback play.
It was everyone, everything and everywhere.
The defense made New York Giants reject and Colts starter Daniel Jones look like a first-round pick again. Here’s the Colts possessions: Field goal, touchdown, touchdown, field goal, field goal, touchdown, field goal. Seven possessions, seven scores.
To be fair, the Dolphins defense stopped Indianapolis once. But then Matthew Judon was penalized for running into the punter, the Colts got a first down and, yep, they scored again.
“It was a collection of how to lose a football game in the National Football League,” McDaniel said.
And then some. Guard James Daniels, Miami’s big free-agent buy despite an Achilles’ injury last season, entered the game uncertain with a foot injury and lasted five plays due to a pectoral injury.
Storm Duck, the cornerback replacing Jalen Ramsey, was picked on by the Colts until he left injured on a golf cart in the second quarter. Ramsey, by the way, won his opener in Pittsburgh by causing a game-cementing hit for an incompletion.
Darren Waller, the Dolphins’ listed starting tight end, was inactive after not practicing all summer and getting hurt in practice last week. So the Dolphins entered the opener with two tight ends. Oh, and did you see the departed Jonnu Smith run for a touchdown for Pittsburgh?
Could you script a worst opener?
It was the first time of extended play for a lot of players in a game setting, and you either leave feeling your game was appropriately displayed or you leave thinking, ‘What was that?’ ” McDaniel said.
That was a disaster.
The good news: There are 16 games left.
Or is that the bad news?
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