The holidays are a magical time for kids, filled with decorations, celebrations and a break from school. But during the fun and festivities, parents must remember that this season can also bring an increased risk to children’s safety.
Amid all the activities and family gatherings, children may face an environment where the risk of abuse quietly rises. As a survivor of child sexual abuse and a mother myself, I can personally attest that this should be a concern for parents across all zip codes, races, religions and socioeconomic backgrounds. With 42 million survivors of sexual abuse in America, it is clear this danger does not discriminate. The good news, however, is that we can prevent future abuse by educating ourselves and our children about personal safety.
As uncomfortable as it is to acknowledge, 90% of child abuse is perpetrated by someone the child — and their parents — know and trust. With many relatives, friends and neighbors visiting during the holidays, children are more likely to encounter someone who may take advantage of that access and increased commotion. And while it’s difficult to confront this issue, the sad reality is that one in nine girls and one in 20 boys experience sexual abuse before turning 18. However, there is hope. Studies show that 95% of child sexual abuse can be prevented through education and awareness.
Empowering our children with knowledge about personal safety doesn’t need to be a scary experience. Instead, it can be woven into family values when teaching your kids about common life lessons, such as respect, boundaries and the power of using their voice. Regardless of your child’s age, starting a conversation about safety is essential and can be done in fun and engaging ways.
Consider beginning with these simple but crucial steps before the holiday chaos sets in:
- Teach Body Autonomy: Remind your child that they don’t owe anyone a hug or kiss, not even a family member, if they don’t feel comfortable. Empower them to understand that their body belongs to them, and they can decide how they feel about any touch.
- Introduce Body Boundaries: Talk with your child about personal boundaries and emphasize that they alone have the right to decide on acceptable touch. Even harmless gestures like a high five, handshake or fist bump should be on their terms.
- Define Safe and Unsafe Touches: Safe touches bring joy and comfort, while unsafe touches can feel confusing or uncomfortable. Help your child recognize these differences.
- Distinguish Safe and Unsafe Secrets: A “safe” secret brings joy, like a surprise party, whereas an “unsafe” secret may confuse or scare a child. Make it clear that an adult should never ask a child to keep an unsafe secret.
- Practice Assertiveness: For situations that feel uncomfortable, equip your child with an “I Mean Business” voice. Encourage them to practice saying, “Stop! That’s not safe!” loudly and confidently.
- Create a Trusted Triangle: Encourage your child to identify three adults they can confide in, whether about a bad dream, a disagreement or an unsafe secret or touch. Remind your child that when it comes to safety situations, they must always go to someone in their trusted triangle for help.
For older children, parents can also discuss how predators may use manipulation tactics or technology to build trust and then violate it with unsafe secrets or touches. Encourage open conversation about their thoughts and feelings in different unsafe scenarios.
Let’s give our kids the gift of safety this holiday season. Through open dialogue and intentional conversations, we can empower them with the tools to establish boundaries and understand consent. Resources such as the Safer, Smarter Families website offer free, personalized family safety plans based on your child’s age. Parents should also read up on the warning signs of potential abuse. Knowledge is power, and by educating ourselves on the signs of potential abuse, we can be more prepared to protect our children. This gift will protect them well beyond the holiday season. For more information on child abuse prevention, visit LaurensKids.org.
Lauren Book is a child advocate, former classroom teacher, best-selling author, former Florida state Senator, and the founder and CEO of Lauren’s Kids. As a victim of childhood sexual abuse for six years at the hands of a trusted caretaker, Lauren founded Lauren’s Kids as a vehicle to prevent childhood sexual abuse and help other survivors heal.