Those of us who love to eat out have had many encounters with irritating servers.
But those same waiters and waitresses may also find us diners annoying and exasperating.
Can’t we all just get along?
It’s no secret that South Florida restaurant patrons can be demanding. But even in the face of rude diners, restaurants are supposed to train their staffs to be polite and efficient.
This is actually a complicated process behind the scenes, said Peter Ricci, director of the hospitality and tourism management program at Florida Atlantic University in Boca Raton.
“Restaurant profit margins are slim, so training and development are often not a part of the process,” he said. “Also, one must recognize that restaurant front-of-house roles are somewhat high-turnover compared to other industries. With higher turnover, there is less likelihood for development of training, knowledge of all the systems (which can lead to dissatisfaction among guests), and a ‘new face’ every time regular guests return to the venue.”
Restaurant owners are aware that the server-guest relationship can be fraught and say they try to train their staffs to handle all sorts of personalities.
“We emphasize to our servers to actually make a connection with our guests, to not be robotic with their motions,” said Eddie Pozzuoli, co-owner of five restaurants in Palm Beach and Broward counties (including Eddie & Vinny’s in Coral Springs and Dear Olivia in Parkland). “Every individual is different and their wants and needs are different. We are in the hospitality business and and our guests need to feel comfortable with us.”
Diners have to do their part, too, Pozzuoli said.
“The guest needs to understand that we are all human and sometimes make mistakes,” he said. “As management, if we don’t have an opportunity to fix it, there shouldn’t be judgment passed on us.”
Readers of “Let’s Eat, South Florida,” the Sun Sentinel’s foodie Facebook page, have voiced strong opinions on the diner-server relationship. We also received email messages from restaurant patrons grumbling about their interactions with servers and from servers lamenting customer behavior.
Here are some tips culled from the conversations. Among the major takeaways: Communicate clearly and be patient, as there are often complicated situations behind the scenes that we diners can’t see.
Tips from diners: How to be a better server
Know who got which dish.
Servers who come to the table, with plates fresh from the kitchen, and ask who got the lasagna or the prime rib exasperate many “Let’s Eat” posters, who call the process a form of “roulette” or the “auctioning off of the dishes.”
Advice to servers from diner Stacy Rabstein Buckley: “Take your order in a specific way so that you know who got what!”
Don’t take a plate away too early.
Many diners complained that servers try to remove their dishes while they are still chewing. “My fork and knife (are) still in my hand and I am clearly eating,” reader Wendy Spano Bracco said. “You have to say, ‘Excuse me, I am still eating.’ Often this happens more than once.”
There’s also the other extreme on this topic: when the wait staff fails to clear empty plates.
“My pet peeve as a diner is when the servers come by your table several times but don’t clear the used dishes or glasses,” AnnMarie Cardin said in an email.
Include the price in the specials.
Most commenters want to hear the cost of specials, although some find the price recital tacky or they tune out. As Donna Pittala put it: “I’d rather have a specials menu so I can think about it and remember it. I’ve ended up not even listening anymore unless it’s a special night and money is no object.”
Time the courses with precision.
Timing is a function of kitchen output and sufficient staffing, but it still irks many diners when their dishes come out too quickly.
“No bigger pet peeve for me than when my entree comes before I’ve finished the starter,” wrote Hollywood resident Lori Poulton. “I don’t care how slow an eater I am, I always ask to have the order not put in until I’m finished because I want a few minutes between, but it never seems to happen.”
Don’t ignore women.
It’s unlikely any restaurant would intentionally turn a blind eye to half the population, but several women said they often feel passed over.
“Pet peeve is female bartenders ignoring female patrons such as myself and my girlfriends at the bar,” said Maria Hopke, of Boynton Beach. “It’s not every bar but it’s enough to notice. They assume because we are women that we won’t tip. Boy are they wrong!”
Diner Janie Nielsen said she is often overlooked when eating alone. “And (I have) to wave the service down because the server isn’t interested in a party of one,” she said.
Make sure to greet newly seated customers and don’t disappear after you’ve served the meal.
As Alana O’Connor put it in the “Let’s Eat” group: “It’s pretty simple. Greet me within 5 [minutes] of seating, check on us after food is delivered and don’t take too long to bring me the check/pay.”
That is also Delray Beach resident Claudia Silverberg’s peeve: “Waiting too long to receive the check, and waiting too long for them to return so that I can pay. It shouldn’t take 15 minutes + to check out. Don’t they want to turn tables over?”
Mike Stocker/South Florida Sun Sentinel
A diner leaves a cash tip at Olympia Flame Diner in Deerfield Beach. (Mike Stocker/South Florida Sun Sentinel)
Don’t stand on top of diners while they are deciding on the tip.
Tipping procedures vex even the most seasoned restaurantgoers. Many feel antagonized when servers watch as their guests choose a tip on electronic devices.
And then there are the preprogrammed tip options. Peter Solomon said: “My biggest pet peeve is the new payment systems that require a tip starting at 25% and up, especially for pick-up or take-away. It’s ridiculous at table service. Used to be 20% for excellent service, 15 for decent and anything less for less than that … [Then] they are staring at you as you try to put in a custom tip.”
Suggestions from servers: How to be a better diner
Be ready to order.
The wait staff knows diners want to socialize, but they are also working in a business that needs to keep the tables moving.
“As a server it annoys me when I go to a table and I say, ‘good evening/good afternoon,’ and the answer is, ‘we’re not ready to order yet,’ ” said Gissele Belechiano of Oakland Park.
Don’t leave your stuff in the middle of the table.
“Be aware that your server does not want to touch your personal items — phone, keys, wallet or eye glasses,” server Janet Holloway wrote. “Place these items at the edge of the table or bring a purse.”
Don’t complain on social media.
Holloway had another tip for customers who are eager to criticize restaurants in very public forums.
“The absolute worst thing a customer can do is to go on Yelp or Google and just trash the place and/or throw their server under the bus (from the customer’s keyboard),” Holloway said. “Address the problem when it happens with the manager on duty.”
“Dining out isn’t a life-or-death experience and as long as the interaction is professional and polite, no one should ever have to be rude on either server or guest side.” — Maddy Micinski, server
Respect the table set-up.
That means, according to server Maria Stathis:
- Don’t sit at a dirty table when there are plentiful clean ones.
- Don’t ask to switch tables in the middle of service.
- Don’t take chairs or silverware from another table. “That server worked hard to prepare their station,” Stathis said.
Consolidate your requests.
“For example, asking for an iced tea, receiving it, asking for sugar, receiving it, then asking for lemons,” said Daniela Herrera, who works at a Delray Beach restaurant. “Had this been all requested at once, we could have saved some time with the ping-pinging and had more time to have fun.”
Have situational awareness.
Get a feel of how crowded the eatery is. It may not be the best time to be indecisive about your order.
“With so many moving parts, when guests are not aware of how busy the restaurant is and stop their server to request recommendations, only to sit there thinking, or going ‘hmmmm…’ it can slow everyone down,” Herrera said.
Don’t ask ‘Are you going to remember all this?’
“I have, in nearly a decade of being in the restaurant industry, never encountered a server who memorized orders if they could not remember them,” Herrera said. “As long as I am mentally organizing the information in my own way, I will not forget it. With that being said, when guests ask, ‘Are you going to remember this?’ I forget everything. This is a curveball that is very embarrassing to try to catch. It is a lot of extra pressure that makes me want to just use a notebook even if I do not need to.”
The upshot from these conversations
Give servers credit for making a tough job (usually) look easy.
“Servers memorize entire menus, the layout of the restaurant, their schedules weeks in advance, and orders of our regulars,” Herrera said. “We can do this. We are a lot of caffeinated, crazy people who want to take care of the public, even if they do not always take care of us.”
Server Maddy Micinski agreed: “Dining out isn’t a life-or-death experience and as long as the interaction is professional and polite, no one should ever have to be rude on either server or guest side.”